Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  September 22, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EDT

11:35 pm
>> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, viola davis, comedian pete holmes, snoop dogg. this week in unnecessary censorship and music from rae sremmurd and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ? ? >> jimmy: thank you. thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you all for coming. very nice.
11:36 pm
you good? you wouldn't know it from walking around in hollywood, but today is the first official day of fall. autumn is upon us and summer is gone. i don't know. it's kind of sad. how am i supposed to pick out a halloween costume? i didn't have time to get bikini ready. some people are trying to figure out what they're wearing for halloween. it's hard for me to relate to. if you're looking for a political costume, i saw this clinton. it's just hillary with no pants on. that's how she got pneumonia, or you can be sexy donald trump, or maintain a shred of dignity and be neerither of them for halloween. the only person i can imagine dressing up as sexy donald trump for halloween is donald trump himself. and neither sexy trump or sexy
11:37 pm
sexy bernie sanders. he distributes the candy evenly throughout the neighborhood. the real donald trump was in toledo yesterday. he visited philadelphia today. he's on the move. so we slowed him down to half speed for tonight's edition of "drunk donald trump". >> well, look at all the people out there. it's a big balcony. hello, [ applause ] >> the balcony said nothing. >> jimmy: this is alarming. yahoo today announced that at least 500 million user accounts have been hacked which would be one of, if not the biggest cyber security breeches ever. they got information from 500
11:38 pm
inexplicably using yahoo. they believe it was by the state sponsored action like the russians or maybe the belgians. whatever country it was is unaware no one has signed up for a yahoo account since 19 96. meanwhile, good news from the internet. mark zuckerberg and his wife announced they're planning to invest world by the end of the century. i guess they're under the impression there's still going to be a world then. that's a lot of money. that's very generous. he must feel guilty about ruining our lives with facebook or something. the plan, i guess, is to have this done by the year 2100. wouldn't it suck if we were the last generation ever to get
11:39 pm
h herpes. you know? we do our show right on hollywood boulevard where thousands of families on vacation visit every day. tonight we'll play a game. we rounded people up and added an extra member to each family. we added either a mom or a dad or a kid. i don't know, because it's a surprise to me. we're going to try to figure it out together. tonight we'll try to guess which one doesn't >> hey, cousin jimmy. >>. >> jimmy: the one without the name tag is cousin sal. hello, family. how are you? >> good. >> jimmy: good. one of the people in the group doesn't know the other people in the group. well, let's start with what's your last name? >> jodie. >> jimmy: okay. i think i have it figured out.
11:40 pm
>> australia. >> jimmy: ha ha. >> new castle australia. >> jimmy: all right. right off the bat i'm going to say -- wait a minute. let me look at their faces. i want to take a quick look at their faces. okay. all right. yeah. uh-huh. i think mother and daughter. i think -- oh, yeah. huh. no. okay. >> jimmy: wow, what a weird thing to say then. all right. let me ask one more question. okay. liz, what is jenna's favorite
11:41 pm
>> pasta. >> jimmy: jenna, is that true? >> i love it. >> jimmy: i'm going to say it's olivia. >> no. >> jimmy: i'm really good at this. all right. that only leaves two of them, so i could really strike out here. it's either liz or jenna. okay. i'm going to say jenna is not a part of the family. is that correct? >> jimmy: all right. you guys win. sal, you have a prize? >> yeah. liz is not the member, and you get dinner for one at the sizzler. enjoy. >> jimmy: all right. that's nice. give them something else too. let's bring in another family and let's try that one more time. i feel like i really failed. our next family is -- all right. okay. all right. this looks like -- all right. another. are you americans? >> yes.
11:42 pm
>> jimmy: they might all be lying. okay. okay smith family. okay. now, i'm going to say that ashlynn and daphne have to be mother and daughter. they're almost identical. aubrey looks like them too. but -- bill, i'm going to say you are not a member of this family? >> well, that's a possible truth. >> jimmy: is it true? >> jimmy: it is true? all right. all right. give them something, sal. >> you get "perfect strangers" on dvd. >> jimmy: do we have one more? i can do this all night. now i'm on a roll. let's see. who do we have? hello there. >> hello. >> jimmy: how are you? >> good. how are you? >> jimmy: doing well. i see there's a frank and franky.
11:43 pm
>> yeah. >> jimmy: you are. you guys have the same middle name? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what's your middle name? >> vidal. >> jimmy: rickie, angie and two frankys. rickie, how are you? >> good. >> jimmy: rickie, are you part of the family? >> yes. >> jimmy: okay, now i know he's part of the family. we ruled rickie out. all right. raff, raff we have here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that means -- well, now i'm confused, because it could mean frank is in there ill us italy, or angie. >> no. >> jimmy: so i was right on the first try.
11:44 pm
right now. you get one of these balls. >> jimmy: we're going to take a break and play the game a little more, and also -- i have something i'm upset about. we'll talk about it when we come back. plus, a special president obama edition of this week in "unnecessary censorship." stick around. o your forks. endless shrimp is back at red lobster. that means you get to try as much as you want... ...of whatever flavors are calling your name. seriously. like new garlic sriracha-grilled shrimp. it's a little spice... ...a little sizzle... ...and a lot just right. and try new parmesan peppercorn shrimp. helloooo crispy goodness. and the classic... ...handcrafted shrimp scampi... ...you can't get enough of? still gonna floor you. it may be called endless...
11:45 pm
mr. bonejangles was always looking for something. but he never found it. until one day... seven in dog time... exactly what he didn't know he was looking for fell right in his lap. was he expecting the perfect toy at an amazing price? no, of course not, he's a dog. but that's the beauty of a store full of surprises. you never know what you're gonna find, but you know you're gonna love it. marshalls. your surprise is waiting. ? ?thunder? ? ?thunder? ? ?
11:46 pm
(crickets chirping) ? (jet engine) ? (heart beat) ? (water splashing) (rain drops) (engine revving) (tires on wet road) ? lease the exhilarating 2017 lincoln mkz for $349 a month
11:47 pm
when i first found out that carl had been using heroin on and off for a year. i immediately thought not my son. i found him in his bathroom with a syringe still in his hand and that was the worst day of my life. annie kuster is leading the fight regarding this opioid epidemic. she's trying to do everything she can to get laws changed. so this doesn't happen again. she's definitely a leader. i just love annie.
11:48 pm
we'll get to them a little bit later on. welcome back to the show. viola davis and music from roadway sremmurd is on the way. i want to mention something that's upsetting me.
11:49 pm
to make its way to the united states. it's called a ham dog. it's a real thing. it's a hamburger with a hot dog running through the middle of it. it was invented by an australian. it's very popular there. the plan is to bring it to america. there's a patent on it. it bothers me. the ham dog is something we should have invented here. can i have my podium please? thank you very much. ? [ i love podiums too. my fellow americans, a man in australia somehow managed to come up with a hamburger hot dog hybrid before we did, and that is flat out unacceptable. this country was built on hamburgers and hot dogs. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's why we're so vulnerable to earthquakes. but for an australian to come up
11:50 pm
before we did is an embarrassment to the greatest food nation eating on earth. we got beat by people who can't get their toilets to flush in the right direction. you know we have a problem when the australian invented the ham dog. a french guy invented something. and we invented tofurkey. with the peanut butter? we did. we need to bring american ways back to america. we need to be the ones inventing the things that will kill us. when i'm vice president of this country, we're going to get back on track. we're going to make hot pocket hogies. these are the kinds of ideas i
11:51 pm
was born in the united states. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you understand what i'm saying? >> guillermo: i understand, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you. and one more thing, president obama who let this happen, by the way. this is on him. he has been cutting loose a little bit lately. he sat down for an interview with "vanity fair." he said he language than he probably should. most of the cursing happens when his wife tells him what's for dinner. he said his staff often hears him going on profanity laced tirades. unfortunately we don't get to hear it. we put together an all obama edition of this week in "unnecessary censorship."
11:52 pm
fair compromise in the last few days that can pass both houses of congress and a couple i can [ bleep ]. >> let's take a vote in-house and end this [ bleep ] right now. >> i'm starting to feel kind of [ bleep ] up. >> the main thing i want to do is [ bleep ] hillary clinton. this year i will work with congress and our military to finally repeal the law that to [ bleep ] the [ bleep ] because of who they are. i remember when [ bleep ] was something i just did in college around 2:00 a.m. he retired with 17 records, even as he missed a season in his crime to [ bleep ] [ bleep ] in the navy. >> i know it's cold outside, but i'm [ bleep ] up.
11:53 pm
back with vie oola davis . stick around. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by pedigree. feed the good. usually means getting locked into a contract. there's a better way! with new straight talk plus, get a samsung galaxy s7 for as low as thirty-one dollars a month, no contract. ...why haven't i switched? add our unlimited plan... ...on america's largest, most dependable 4g lte networks.
11:54 pm
you're not taking these. hey, hey, hey! you're not taking those. woah, woah! you're not taking that. come with me. you're not taking that. you're not taking that. you're not taking that. mom, i'm taking the subaru. don't be late. even when we're not there to keep them safe, our subaru outback will be.
tv-commercial
11:55 pm
pam griffin: our daughter courtney got caught in a web of opiate and heroin addiction. doug griffin: our insurance company indicated that courtney's problem wasn't a matter of life and death - so she wasn't eligible for treatment. pam griffin: she told me that she didn't want to live like this anymore... she begged... she begged for help, saying mom - please help me. doug griffin: our family's tragedy could happen to any family... from losing their children. kelly reached out to us. doug griffin: she came to my family to learn more. pam griffin: she listened to what we had to say, who we were - she cared about us... she didn't know us. pam griffin: we talked about the ways to remove the stigma of addiction so parents can get help. doug griffin: kelly co-authored the comprehensive addiction and recovery act - this act will save kids' lives... ...and enable families to get the help they need. doug griffin: we don't want courtney to be remembered
tv-commercial
11:56 pm
kelly: i'm kelly ayotte and i approved this message. we are one nation under god. that black and white, we are one nation indivisible. that republican and democrat, we are all americans. i'd like to punch him in the face. you know what they used to do to guys like that? they'd be carried out in a stretcher, folks.
11:57 pm
priorities usa action is responsible
11:58 pm
>> jimmy: guillermo, we're celebrating a couple of birthdays, a 50th and 21st. she told you she doesn't drink, and you gave her a shot. >> guillermo: well. >> jimmy: happy birthday. horrible consequences. tonight on the show his forthcoming hbo comedy special is called "pete holmes' faces and sounds" the very entertaining pete holmes is here. pete is a funny guy. then, a duo, and they're brothers too. their new album is called "sremmlife 2" rae sremmurd from the samsung outdoor stage.
11:59 pm
out of band names. >> jimmy: next week on the program, zach galifianakis, owen wilson, kristen wiig, armie hammer, action bronson, piper perabo, j.k. simmons, daveed diggs, sarah jessica parker and we will have music from air, dan and shay, damian marley and the lumineers. please join us for all that. >> jimmy: our first guest tonight is an emmy- and tony-winner who teaches the shakiest law school course since trump university. "how to get away with murder" returned earlier tonight on abc. please w [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look lovely. >> thank you. >> jimmy: that's a good color for you. is that your color? >> green is my color. it just pops my skin, and it fit.
12:00 am
is that a good fall color? i don't know. >> you know, i don't focus on fall or winter when i look at colors. i focus on fit. and as soon as it gets to my mid back, if it zips up, i'm good. >> jimmy: it works? sometimes you get in a situation where you need needle nose pliers to get the dress off? >> yeah. and sometimes i literally ripped open a me feel like crap. >> jimmy: has it ever happened in public where you split your dress? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: it has? >> oh, yes. absolutely, and i've had my husband go v, what the hell are you doing? >> reporter: applause ]. >> jimmy: this being the first day of fall, do you feel -- even though i'm not in school anymore, do you feel sad when summer is gone? >> yeah. you know what?
12:01 am
i grew up on the east coast, but whenever i knew school was coming, i had to prepare, because i had to run from the bullies. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you had bullies? >> i had bullies. >> jimmy: do you remember their names? >> sometimes i probably bullied -- i do, but i can't mention them because i don't want a lawsuit. >> jimmy: i think the statute of limitations is up on that one. do you ever run into t >> there's some of them on facebook and i look at them. they're taller now, though. >> jimmy: they want to be your friends? >> they all do. >> jimmy: and do you forgive them and become their facebook friends? >> i just become their facebook friends and then i stalk their pages. to see if they've become just complete failures. [ applause ] you know, it's like one of them
12:02 am
you know? like oh, man. >> jimmy: hopefully it will sink. [ laughter ] >> but i was a punch run and chuck your finger kind of gal. >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> i would punch, run, and chuck my finger as i was running away. >> jimmy: when you were fighting back or attacking? >> oh, no, when i was fighting back. i put my fists up. >> jimmy: you would? >> oh, yeah, when i didn't have a crocheting needle. i brought a crocheting needle to school once in third grade. >> jimmy w as a weapon or -- >> as a weapon to stab stanley, but i really didn't stab stanley. i just threatened to stab stanley. >> jimmy: is stanley the one that has a boat now, or is he the guy that owns all the tools? >> you know what? actually, i can't remember stanley's last name, but i'd really try to remember him, because you could tell he wasn't a good bully. i threatened him.
12:03 am
can you be when your name is stanley? you'd be the bully's lawyer. >> really. >> jimmy: i saw you at the emmy awards on sunday night. you were there. well, sadly you didn't win, but you won last year. >> i did. >> jimmy: did you care after you won? did you want to win as much? >> you know what? this year i actually did not, because i knew i would have to get up on stage with that damn peanut butter i looked under my bag, and i had big chunks of peanut butter. >> jimmy: for those of you who don't know, my mother made sandwiches for everyone in the audience. >> we ate the hell out of those sandwiches. i was sucking my fingers on the sandwiches. >> jimmy: you sometimes forget how good they can be. >> and i said i'm not going to eat it because of the carbs. and that was it. that was the last thing i
12:04 am
do you watch the carbs? you have to just lick the peanut butter. >> it never works. i had a tequila sun rise, two of them. radulj . >> jimmy: when the names are read, are you thinking about being on camera and what your expression might be? >> absolutely, because people, apparently think i have a hostile face. >> jimmy: you're talking about stanley or other people? [ laughter ] >>. >> just over people. people mistake me for other people. >> jimmy: for your characters? >> uh-huh. so i have to smile. i have to overly smile. i have to smile as if i'm doing a cole gait commercial, and can i tell you i had five hot flashes during the emmy awards, so smiling during a hot flash is a hard thing.
12:05 am
what is that experience? >> it's like someone set you on fire for two minutes. >> jimmy: it's not a flash, then. it shouldn't be called a flash. two minutes is a long time. >> listen, they come in successions sometimes. so as soon as one is other, then another one comes. yo >> jimmy: really? >> and everyone else is like it's freezing. it's freezing, and you have sweat dripping, and then your name is not called. it's someone else, and you're having a hot fl [ applause ] >> jimmy: how to get away with murder is thursday nights. we'll be right back. (baby laughs) ? ?
12:06 am
(baby laughs) get $10 off your women's fall fashion purchase of $50 or more! right now. at kohl's mom, i have to tell you something. dad, one second i was driving and then the next... they just didn't stop and then... i'm really sorry. i wrecked the subaru. i wrecked it. you're ok.
12:07 am
lifetime commitment to getting them home safely. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. to those who don't run from mud...but through it. who know it wasn't a day at the beach... unless someone got buried. to the fullbacks... gearheads... and those with green thumbs. to the sticky... the stinky... even those who get a little icky. to all the beautiful mess makers, with delta in2ition plus h2okinetic, you can. see what delta can do. ha-ha-ha! um-hmmm! hey! nikki! what are you doing here? you tell me, stephen. what? i'm snapping. you've been streaming my videos all morning. now you're with this thing? no! it's not you! it's verizon! they limit my data. i had to choose. come on, girl. let's get us a man with unlimited data.
12:08 am
one price. unlimited data for everyone. mm, devour, say my name! i'm talking to you, creamy white cheddar mac & cheese with bacon. can you feel it? you like that don't you? you taste so creamy. the little sounds your crispy bacon makes drive me crazy. you naughty little... did you just spank your lunch? food you want to fork.
12:09 am
scalpel. i have no idea what i'm doing. i'm just a tv doctor. i never went to college. (scream) i don't do blood. but now, thanks to cigna, i can do more than just look the part. is that a foot? we are the tv doctors of america. and we're partnering with cigna to help save lives. by getting you to a real doctor for an annual check-up.
tv-commercial tv-commercial
12:10 am
vo: kelly ayotte says she's on our side, but on our rights, she's squarely with donald trump: trump: planned parenthood should absolutely be defunded.
12:11 am
and both oppose our right to safe and legal abortion. ayotte: i certainly think that roe should be overturned... trump: ...there has to be some form of punishment. matthews: for the woman? trump: yeah, there has to be some form. vo: ayotte and trump: wrong for new hampshire women. senate majority pac is responsible for the content of this advertising. >> i'm back and do something. >> why? >> i just have a feeling. >> you just have a feeling? >> you want me to show you his file? sam was his doctor in prison. >> you never told me that. >> yeah? well, i don't think it mattered anymore. >> but you think he's dangerous? >> he has a potential to be. >> and you've been okay with that? >> listen, i never asked frank to do anything violent for me.
12:12 am
for sam's murder. >> jimmy: that's not a good thing to do. "how to get away with murder" premiers tonight. all hell has broken loose on this show. >> oh,man, totally. it's so much hell that i don't know what's going on. >> jimmy: do you really know what's going on? >> i have to say that, but i know what's going on. >> jimmy: how far are you into eight of 15 because i said i can't do 22. >> jimmy: and do you know what's in the next 15? >> i sure do. >> jimmy: you do? you don't just read them as they come? >> well, i do read them as they come. but i've been told. >> jimmy: you know what happens? >> yeah. >> jimmy: are you sure that's what's going to happen, or maybe this is a roos? >> no.
12:13 am
going to be the case. >> jimmy: you do? >> yes. if you pay me, i'll tell you, though. >> jimmy: how much? >> how much you make on this show? >> jimmy: that much? you mean tonight or in a year? because we might be able to negotiate. because at the end of the episode, somebody was dead and you're screaming, and then we don't know who's dead. >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you know who's dead this week? >> actually, when we shot the scene i cried to >> jimmy: why? >> because we hadn't figured it out yet. >> jimmy: so you cried to a wooden dummy? >> listen, i went to jewuliard, baby. i know how to personalize that dummy. >> jimmy: you're good at reading people, would you say that? >> great, except for exboyfriends.
12:14 am
where we put a family on the boulevard. one of the people is not part of the family. i was a little shieaky at the beginning. i got the last two. i want to let you take a shot at this. that's my cousin, sal. how are you doing? this is viola davis . >> good. nice to meet you. >> hi. hi. >> jimmy: where are you guys from? >> st. louis. >> jimmy: they claim to be from st. louis. that could be a know. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: those children. >> the children, i don't know. >> jimmy: they're overly hanging on each other. >> and it's too much. >> jimmy: it's almost too much. >> it's -- but they're happy. >> jimmy: at school they would say no. >> they would say down play it. >> jimmy: let's talk to teagan and will. will, how old are you? >> i'm 13. >> i'm 8.
12:15 am
names. >> i don't know, the little girl, though, she looks like, you know, who are these people and where's my mommy? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. let's see. teagan, how old are you? >> i'm 13. >> jimmy: do you guys ever fight, you and will? >> sometimes. >> jimmy: what do you guys fight about? >> usually who gets the computer to play mine craft. >> jimmy: will, you like to play mine craft? >> yeah. >> give him a little kiss. >> jimmy: oh. >> it's the little girl. it's the little girl. i'm 2telling you. >> jimmy: viola says it's braillen. are you the imposter? do you know what imposter means? >> no. >> jimmy: is this your family? >> yes. >> jimmy: it is your family? okay.
12:16 am
and -- will, are you a junior? >> sort of. >> jimmy: he's the one. how can you be sort of a junior? what do you think? >> can we out the mother and father? >> jimmy: yeah. you can guess who you want. i'm going with will. >> i'm going with mama kim. >> jimmy: okay. what one of you is not a member of this family? step forward. teagan, you oh, teagan. how could you do this to us? of course. they all have normal names and his name is teagan. why would they have a teagan in the family? thanks, guys. cousin sal, you have a prize? >> yeah, a uni cycle for teagan. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with pete holmes. colin van ostern: i know from my own life the difference a college education can make.
12:17 am
became a stonyfield business manager responsible for a hundred million dollars in revenue. then, a top executive at southern new hampshire university's college for america. colin van ostern: most of our students graduate debt free. cutting student debt should be our goal for all state colleges to create good jobs, and keep our young families here. i've taken care of the check, it's all masterpassed. masterpassed it. i masterpassed it. that was fast.
12:18 am
i was out here smoking instead of being there for my son's winning shot. hy i'm quitting with nicorette. only nicorette mini has a patented fast dissolving formula. it starts to relieve sudden cravings fast. every great why needs a great how. every great why scalpel. i have no idea what i'm doing.
12:19 am
(scream) i don't do blood. but now, thanks to cigna, i can do more than just look the part. is that a foot? we are the tv doctors of america. and we're partnering with cigna to help save lives. by getting you to a real doctor for an annual check-up. so go, know, and take control of your health. doctor poses. cigna. together, all the way. ? ? ? ? ? ? heart rate one fifty six. ?
12:20 am
12:21 am
>> jimmy: our next guest is a very funny gentleman who has his
12:22 am
hbo comedy special coming too, "pete holmes' faces and sounds" premieres december 3rd. please welcome pete holmes. [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: i forget that you're a giant until i see you in person. >> i know. it's offputing. >>my >> i finally -- that's the door for me. >> jimmy: we could put it in your home if you wanted one. >> yeah. and you have a shower. i'm just here to butter your bread. nicest dressing rooms i've ever seen. shower. >> jimmy: we have a shower. did you take a shower? >> no. but it would have been above my head. >> jimmy: it would have been? >> as a tall man, i get a lot of breast massages. >> jimmy: that's one of the crappy things about being tall.
12:23 am
head thing. >> it's like bill murray in yours truly lost in translation". >> jimmy: i like that you went into the shower to check the height of the faucet. >> i was impressed. you run a class act operation, and you're looking very well. >> jimmy: thank you. >> well, you know, viola was talking about getting a dressup. there's a male equivalent. look. and then i was like don't worry. and then i sat down and went jimmy, tall shower. >> jimmy: they really need to make rubber buttons. >> you look good, and i know you worked hard to lose weight and get in nice tv shape. >> jimmy: yeah, i just starved, really. >> that's working for it. something that really annoys me and others as well is simple weight loss. you know when you haven't seen somebody in three months and
12:24 am
i hate. what did you do? it's like i just stopped drinking soda. [ bleep ] you. [ cheers and applause ] >> how much soda were you drinking you [ bleep ] animal? i haven't had a soda since 1993. and i'm soft. like a mattress. >> jimmy: you'll have to stop a vending machine a day i guess. i saw it last night. >> thank you. >> jimmy: one of the things i like is besides being funny and there's a lot of great jokes, it's silly. there are things that are just purely silly. >> you and i have that. we like silly. >> jimmy: yes. i sent you an e-mail about the unicorns which i thought was funny. >> and what did i say? i said you picked your favorite bit. the joke is this. there's a lot of words that don't make sense in your
12:25 am
like unicorn. unicorn? excuse me. unicorn? how about unihorn? >> jimmy: it makes perfect sense. >> it has one horn. it has no corn. is there a single kernel of corn hidden in the maine? that's a long way to go. i am with you. that is a stupid joke. >> jimmy: it's, but it's funny. it doesn't matter. >> exactly. who cares? live it up. >> jimmy: did you really go to an enrique iglesias concert alone? >> i did. that's the appropriate response. >> jimmy: i can't imagine you doing that. >> i don't mess around with my
12:26 am
concert because nobody would go with you? >> i bought a ticket. >> jimmy: you bought one ticket? >> that's living life, man. that's not waiting for joy to come to you. you go and get it. and you grab it. >> jimmy: you can grab it. i guess. >> laugh at a dumb unicorn joke and go see enrique iglesias. you can run. you can hide. but you can't escape his love. that's a fun time. i was there. it was all latina girls and children. i'm so tall, so i'm like a lighthouse in their ocean. [ laughter ] >> i was moving with their rhythms and every once in a while i went with my gigantic hands. >> jimmy: how long have you lived in los angeles? >> i'm not good with time. neither are you. inbetween segments you didn't
12:27 am
and a late night house. >> jimmy: you think so? i think it's a sign of somebody who needs to pay more attention. >> no. no you do this show. your life is abnormal. i think if you had a concussion or something, you would fail the test the doctor gives you. >> jimmy: you're right. >> just to prove. what day is it? i don't know, viola davis . [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're probably right. lived here? >> it's easy. i moved here in 2010. i'm from boston. yeah, sure. i didn't know what you were going to do. if you were going to assemble in some manner. but i moved here in 2010, and i mentioned i'm from boston because sometimes i feel a little guilty that i like it out here. >> jimmy: you do? it's great out here. >> yes. people give it a hard time.
12:28 am
know, i'm sure, is people say the traffic. who cares? i love whoever is on board with this premise right away. >> jimmy: i've never heard anyone say they're okay with the traffic. >> i like it here. the world is so mysterious and there are so many social interactions where i have no idea what i'm supposed to do, what's expected of me. traffic? sit there. sit. occasionally move your foot from the then put it back. that's all you do for hours. it's very calming. relaxing. i got it. i have it nailed. i don't understand why people hate it. something every los angeles person needs to stop doing is when you hit traffic, now that i have you all here, we need to agree, stop saying the day and the time. >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> you hit traffic, and everyone
12:29 am
[ laughter ] >> yes, monday at 2:30. surrender. you might as well blame venus and retrograde. there's always traffic. sit there. put on music. call an old friend and keep a relationship alive. >> jimmy: you're right. you changed my outlook. >> it's so easy. if you look around. i look around. nineut their phone. we're all going to die. two, if you find not on their phone, it's the person freaking out. you'll be next to a guy going, oh my god. sir? where are you going? surrender. relax. he's like oh, i'll be happy when i get to work. be happy now.
12:30 am
mcfarn. really is. >> i do do all the tracks. i lay them down myself. >> jimmy: peter holmes. faces own sounds on december 3rd. we'll be right back with ra e sremmurd. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live concert series" is presented by
12:31 am
12:32 am
>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live concert series" is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank viola davis, pete holmes and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. here and black beetles, ra e sreuummurd. ? hands up hands up yeah--- ? hands up hands up yeah---
12:33 am
beaucoup in the lobby bust it open like pi?ata ? ? beaucoup bottles on the counter this is how you start a party ? ? this is how you start a party this is how you start a party ? ? tell a friend to tell somebody we about to start the party ? ? i told my -- i'ma pull up to the party give me 20 minutes give me 20 minutes ? ? hands up hands up hype ? ? that girl is a real crowd pleaser small world, all her friends know of me ? ? young bull living
12:34 am
quick release the cash watch it fall slowly ? ? frat girls still tryna get even haters mad for whatever reason ? ? smoke in the air binge drinking they lose it when the dj drops the needle ? ? getting so gone i'm not blinking what in the world was i thinking ? ? new day new money to be made there is nothing to explain ? ? i'm a i'm a black beatle cream seats in the regal ? ? rockin john lennon lenses like to see 'em spread eagle ? ? took a -- to the club and let her party on the table screaming "everybody's famous" ? ? like clockwork i blow it all and get some more ? ? get you somebody that can do both black beatles got the babes belly rolling ? ? she think she love me i think she trolling ? ? that girl is a
12:35 am
her friends know of me ? ? young bull living like an old geezer quick release the cash watch it fall slowly ? ? frat girls still tryna get even haters mad for whatever reason ? ? smoke in the air binge drinking they lose it when the dj drops the needle ? ? she's a good teaser and we blowing reefer your body like ? don't -- with me i'll break your heart baby d&g on me i got a lot of flavor ? ? 15 hundred on my feet i'm tryna kill these haters i had haters when i was broke ? ? i'm rich i still got haters i had -- when i was broke ? ? i'm rich i'm still a player ? ? i wear leather gucci jackets like
12:36 am
a broke broke or a hater ? ? black beatle --, me and paul mccartney related ? ? that girl is a real crowd pleaser small world all her friends know of me ? ? young bull living like an old geezer quick release the cash watch it fall slowly ? ? frat girls still tryna get even haters mad for whatever reason ? ? smoke in the air binge drinking they lose it when the dj drops the needle ? oh yeah oh yeah ? ? black beatles in the city sremmlife 2 go
12:37 am
this is "nightline." narrator: over and over it's been their agenda: anything to defund planned parenthood. voted 6 different times to defund planned parenthood. they're on a crusade to block services marriage. >> we're clowning. >> his devotion to the military and cowboying up for his wild wild western. first, here are the "nightline" five.

95 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on